Saturday, February 27, 2010

Overheard At Home


“Beau your nose is SPICY!!!!” 

Beau is the dog…


What are the babies names going to be?

“Cinderella and Shrek Donkey”.


“Babies like whixey sours.”

So does daddy but it appears I should probably slow down on those for awhile….


“Hey, Will you hold my booger?”….thank you…


“I have cartoons bananas, swing set bananas,  glasses bananas, paper bananas, pen bananas, chairs bananas, hearts bananas, 1 – 2 – 3- 4 – 5- 6- 7 and 8 and 9 and 10 –11- 12- 13- 17 – 18 bananas, candy bananas.  And then you do the hokey pokey.”

I’m not sure what I can say about this one.


“Mommy, I pooped like a sand castle.”

That must have been uncomfortable.


Walking in to the Coach store.

“Mommy, it’s ALL purses”

Instead of telling us she needed to go to the bathroom and have to leave the store, she just peed her pants.  I’m in big trouble with this purse thing.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Crude but Funny

For those of you with children, you know that there are moments that they make you laugh until you cry.  This evening was one of those evenings.  Daycare was closed today and Jayna was off work so she was home all day with the daughter.  Needless to say, the little one was bored with mom and happy to see me when I got home.  She was on my heels every moment and we were generally having a great evening. 

She’s 3 now.  I for some reason felt it was important to introduce her to the pull my finger game.  I said it was crude, but wait.  As expected she fell for it.  I will spare you the details, but after a few moments, she informed me that I smelled bad.  I told here there was no way that could be me, it’s probably her upper lip.  She had this terrified look on her face and looked at her mother like “what do I do about that”?  I told her she better go wash her lip.  She sprinted up the stairs and we could hear the water running.

Of course but this time we are in tears.  She returns from upstairs. 

“Did you wash your lip?”


“Does it still smell bad?”


“Well see, that was the problem.”

She still isn’t really convinced and has this bewildered look on her face but she reluctantly accepts my logic.  We repeat said process…3 times..

Once again, I apologize for the crudeness of this post but boys will be boys and little girls will fall for anything their dad tells them.

They’re Still There

We had our second doctors visit today.  The nurse was positively giddy as she led us to the ultrasound room.  She said she had been talking about us all week.  I’m beginning to think these people have something wrong with them.

The doctor came in to do his thing.  We were making small talk and brought up that, in our state of shock at the last visit we hadn’t event thought to ask for a due date.  Jayna had obviously figured this out on her own, but I’m not as sharp as her.  The doctor confirmed that 40 weeks would be Sept 26th.  He expects us to deliver sometime around Aug 26th and will be thrilled if we make it to September.  Apparently that is the goal.

Baby A and Baby B are right on track.  They are measuring 1.81cm and 1.80 cm respectively.  You can make out their head and body.  They no longer just look like little blobs.  The doctor said and I quote; “They’re measuring identical”.  That doesn’t necessarily mean they are but the odds just went up.  It is my understanding we won’t really know if they are identical until they are born but, when we find out the gender, that will be another indicator.  If they are the same gender the case is even stronger that they are identical.

Everything seems to be going well, no apparent complications at the moment.  At 18 or 20 weeks we will go see a high risk doctor to make sure there are no issues.  We are certainly keeping our fingers crossed for no whammies.

Jayna is surviving.  She is absolutely exhausted and nauseous most of the time.  We are speculating that this is payback for her first pregnancy.  While she was a little sleepy, there was no morning sickness.  She often commented that in the early stages of that pregnancy it was easy to forget she was pregnant.  She is just holding on for the second trimester with the hopes that the sickness will subside and her energy will return.

I was kind of hoping the whole first doctors visit was a sick joke and there was only one baby.  That’s not the case.  I have somewhat come to terms with the fact we are having twins, as long as I don’t think about it too much.  After the ultrasound, the doctor handed me the pictures.  I found myself shaking like I just found out.  The nurse was once again laughing at me.  It’s a common theme around that office. 

Our latest debate is how we’re going to tell them apart if they’re identical.  Jayna suggested a sharpie to the bottom of the foot.  I’m pretty sure that would result in some type of leaching into the blood stream of some extremely dangerous toxin.  Jayna rolls her eyes at me and then suggests a bracelet and possibly different colored clothing.  That seems somewhat reasonable; why didn’t I think of that?

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Sideways Panties

Our daughter is growing up.  She just turned three.  She goes to the potty on her own, most of the time.  She is becoming more and more self reliant by the day.  This is a good thing given the fact we have twins on the way and we’re going to need every break we can get.

Today was a sleepy Sunday around the house.  Daughter was flitting around, very busy as usual.  We went upstairs to pick up all the toys and get ready for bed.  Little miss thing is so independent, she won’t even let us help her get out of her clothes to get ready for bed most of the time.  This evening was no different. 

As soon as she took off her favorite pink “eximo joes” shirt, it was apparent something wasn’t right.  Her panties were protruding strangely from the top of her pants.  She next took off her pants and the full effect was immediately apparent.  Apparently some time during the day when she went to the bathroom he didn’t get it quite right while getting dressed.  She had her panties on, how shall I say this, crooked.  She had a leg hole around her waist.  The best way I know to describe it is a Fred Mertz half wedgie. 

Jayna and I of course laughed uncontrollably for several minutes.  She laughed with us, not quite knowing why.

Groggy Parenting

After a couple of events in the past week or so, it is somewhat amazing to me that parents survive children and that children come out somewhat normal unless you are completely incompetent as a parent.  And I mean COMPLETELY incompetent.  Turns out children are really quite resilient. 

The daughter still wakes up on average once or twice a night.  We don’t know why.  We wish she wouldn’t.  It’s like she just wants to to stumble up stairs, tell her it’s ok and tuck her in. 

The first event occurred on one of these wake up calls.  Daughter was standing at the top of the stairs crying.  This is her announcement that we are expected to come right away.  She’ll make up some excuse like;  “I have to go potty” or “I need a drink”.  Most of the time her excuse is something she is perfectly willing to handle on her own and we remind her of that and shuffle her off to bed.  She tells us night night and the world is right.  For her.

We have grown so accustomed to these events, we can almost do them in our sleep.  As a matter of fact, it’s probably better for me if I don’t completely wake up.  It makes it very difficult for me to go back to sleep.  But it’s a double edged sword.  As I was returning downstairs from this particular event, the stairs fell out from under me.  I’m not talking I stumbled a little, caught myself and continued on my way.  No.  I fell for what seems like 5 minutes.  Realistically, it was only about half way down our stairs.  Thankfully our stairs make a 90 degree turn after a mid way landing.  I fell all the way to the landing.  I didn’t fall quietly but with all the gusto of a stuntman on a big budget Hollywood production.  That’s how I remember it anyway.

I am now awake.  And I should add that I’m not 18 anymore.  I by no means consider myself old, but stuff hurts worse now.  And it hurts longer.  This was no exception.  I was not only awake, but keenly aware of the throbbing in my shoulder.  Did I wake my daughter up?  I waited for the dust to settle and expected her to come out of her room any minute.  It wasn’t to happen.  Ok.  Maybe my wife will come check on me.  I’ll just lay here a minute.  Or two.  Ok, well, I can’t sleep here.  Nothing appears to be broken.  No bones are protruding.  I bring myself to me feet and make my way down the other half of the stairs.  I stumble in to our bedroom and lay down on the bed.  Jayna is chuckling.

The next day was difficult and heavily reliant on Aleve.  All day strong, all day long!

The next event that prompted this post happened just a couple of days ago.  Daughter wakes up with another of her episodes, but this one is different.  It’s a different cry, you know that one that sound serious.  I’m out of bed and half way up the stairs before I am really even conscious.  Daughter is walking out of her room holding her head.  She is sobbing that she fell out of bed.  I pick her up and comfort her.  I asked her if she fell out of bed and she says “yeeeeessss” in her best feel sorry for me voice.  And what do I say?

“It’s ok honey, these things happen.”

The best comforting words I had for my vulnerable little girl are “these things happen.”  The funny thing is, as soon as I said it, she stops crying and says a beautiful little pouty “ok” and curls back up in bed.  Content in the thought that she did and possibly will again fall out of bed.

This is all pretty trivial but I started thinking about what other gems of advise and wisdom I have given her and how that will impact her as a person.  So far she seems to be somewhat put together.  Maybe her resilience will override any missteps Jayna and I make along the way.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

The Day After

The mushroom cloud has dissipated.  The nuclear explosion that was yesterday’s news is starting to sink in today.  Neither of us slept last night, which is probably not a good thing.  We will have plenty of opportunities to not sleep in the not so distant future.  While most of the day for me was very foggy, we are now talking and laughing about it.  We are no longer just staring blankly at each other, and Jayna is eating pickles. 

I don’t want anyone to think that Jayna and I aren’t excited.  We are ecstatic, we are still just a bit overwhelmed.  I do want to know why it is that we had a 3% chance of having twins and did but I have never won a game of chance in my entire life.  No lottery, raffle, bingo game, nothing…nodda…zip.  What cosmic force have I offended that is conspiring against me?

We’ve started making plans now.  We have decided, with the insight of my coworker, we are still in no state of mind to make major decisions but we’re starting the process.  Thankfully we have a minute.  Lists are being made, products are being researched, blogs are being read and finances are being analyzed. 

My exhaustion is catching up with me and my thoughts are a bit jumbled today so I think this will be a short post.  Suffice it to say.  We can do this.  We will do this.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Have you ever been hit by a truck?

Jayna and I have known for several weeks that we were pregnant.  This was no big surprise, we have been trying for some time.  We were very happy to find out and immediately scheduled an appointment with her doctor.

This is our second time through this so we felt better prepared, more calm and very confident.  We have this down.  Our first child is almost 3 and she seems to be somewhat normal, as 3 year olds go.

We have been waiting until our first doctors appointment to really tell anyone.  Needless to say, it has been very difficult to keep our mouths shut.

Well, the day finally came.  We sauntered into the doctors office full of swagger.  A slight smirk at the “first timers”.  They all looked terrified.  I remember that feeling.  I can barely raise myself much less some little helpless crap factory. 

The nurse calls our name, we remember her from our last pregnancy and catch up as we are escorted back to the ultrasound room.  You know the drill from here; weight, blood pressure and the doctor will be in to see you in a few moments.

We like our doctor.  He thinks he’s a real funny guy.  We trade some friendly banter back and forth and he begins the ultrasound.  Jayna has her screen and I have mine.  I’m sitting down, thank god.  As the picture comes in to focus I see the first glimpse of my second child.  Then my third…

Wait….Go back……Was that what I thought it was.  The doctor isn’t so funny now.  Our nurse is doing cartwheels behind the doctor, apparently they were getting low on twins and needed another one in the pipeline.  Great.

I’m not breathing at this point.  Slowly hyperventilating in my little chair.  The doctor and nurse are laughing at me.  Jayna has this wide eyed stare and is having difficulty breathing also.  We both have multiples in our family so I’m not sure why we are so shocked.  It’s just not supposed to happen to us.

“See you in two weeks” the doctor exclaims, shakes my hand and exits stage left.  We gather ourselves and stagger from the room.  You remember that swagger and confidence I mentioned earlier.  GONE!!!!!!  I’m just like one of those “first timers”.  Hope they didn’t see the smirk.

We stumble to the receptionist desk to schedule our next visit.  The receptionist can see the fear on our first time faces and I catch a glimpse of a quick smirk.  DAMN!!!  We’ve done this before, really.  Ah who am I kidding, I’m now terrified.

My wife and I leave the office, kiss each other and go to our respective vehicles.  We arrived separately not expecting this to be a big deal.  I am physically shaking.  It’s now 4 hours later and I am still physically shaking.  Jayna is sitting on the couch staring at our ultrasound pictures with this far away look on her face.  We don’t even know what to say to each other.

But our 3 year old always has the answers.  Following our appointment I had a massage.  This was a complete coincidence as I had my appointment scheduled before we even knew we were pregnant.  Jayna came home and had a moment.  She broke down crying.  I’m telling you, hit by a truck….  Our daughter, in her 3 year old infinite wisdom, pats her on the shoulder and says:

“Mommy, it’s ok, cause daddy will be home in a little while to hold you.”